Wednesday, November 12, 2014


Laupäev 22. november  / Saturday November 22 at 19:30


Gage. A bulk of Gage. A bulk of Gage's career has been spent working on insults. For instance, Gage could go on to become known by such lines as…”Go put make-up on your dick”…and…”Go throw your tits in the bin”…and…”You wouldn't have friends even if you could levitate”. Those three immediately sting from my mind. Sting being the preverbal adjective as opposed to spring. Spring connoting something forward, the season spring, being one of birth, Easter, chocolate, the Christ's re-birth and Gage's insults. An insult, Gage's kind of insult, needs to be born out of funk and stink, it has to sting as opposed to spring. Sting from the mind to sting from the inside, was Gage’s motto. Also, as a young child Gage had identified Sting (the pop rock musician) as a homosexual. Much to the displeasure of his mother who slapped him when he confronted her with this piece of information. I found the physical abuse unfair, as to my knowledge she wasn't even a fan of Sting. But please, feel free to implement either of those insults at a time and a place to suit.
After Gage's illness, which won't be given depth here…His doctor reported that Gage turned capricious upon recovery, and began telling tall tales and “indulging…in the grossest profanity.” Friends swore that Gage “was no longer Gage”. Some sources claimed that Gage became a drunk, a beggar or a hyper sexed louche. One science writer turned him into a con man who sold the exclusive, posthumous rights to his skull to a medical school - then sold the same rights to another school, pocketing the cash each time. Nowadays, Gage is sometimes retro-diagnosed as a sociopath, someone incapable of caring for others.
When I was at school, I was held back a year, the reason being Geography. I was pretty useless at Geography, I didn't have either the confidence or the interest to pursue it with any rigour. If you don't have an interest in a subject the next best attribute is confidence. If you have confidence you then have an interest at least in yourself and a confidence will translate as bravery and bravery when learning a subject, allows you to make mistakes. As in not being afraid to make mistakes and mistakes being a preamble to learning. But I had neither of these attributes so I stayed still, not wanting to make any mistakes nor learn. 
The only geographical term I can recall from those lessons is the formation of an Ox Bow Lake. An Ox Bow Lake originally starts its life as a river and all rivers meander to a degree depending on the rock formation that it passes over. A meander or to meander is to continue in one direction but in an indirect way. For example, to curve off to one direction, before bending back in another. Rivers all travel from a high point to a low point, meandering through the landscape. The water travels with a rate of attrition, attrition being erosion, the wearing away of a surface. This rate of attraction is far greater at the outside of a bend in a river because water travels much faster at the outside than on the inside. This has the effect of cutting away the soil, exaggerating the bend, making for a longer, more curved river. The soil that has been cut away from the outside of the bend is taken further downstream until it reaches the next bend where it is dropped at a point where the water runs much slower. The slowest part of the river is found at the inside of the bend. The bend of the river contains the fastest part and the slowest part.
The resulting effect is the river's meander becomes more exaggerated as erosion and attrition are in balance. Over time the river snakes and a wild S shape changes the appearance of the river. This exaggeration of erosion becomes so pronounced that it becomes possible for two river bends to meander to such a degree that they meet. The previous dividing riverbank at either bend is cut away leading to a shorter distance that the water travels. Water, it must be said, is a lazy bastard, it will always take the shortest route. It will never go out of its way to help anyone. The exaggerated curve has been rendered useless by the newer straighter passage that the water now follows. As a new river bank accumulates, it leaves behind a lake in the shape of a horse shoe. This, is then geographically speaking, termed as an Ox Bow Lake.
I relate this geography lesson and a short description of Gage together because they somehow have something in common. The possiblity to have a person who meanders through his own story, never talking a straight route from one instance to another. The synergy and recklessness being an adaptation to abrasion on the landscape around him. Cutting through as a pose to passing through. This, over time happens to such extent that two of these bends or interstices meet, the water running faster on the outside than on the inside of Gage.
Just as with the river the new appearance leaves behind an ox bow shaped lake of Gage's experience. A newly formed lake has no life as such, it will continue to sustain the previous life temporarily but as the oxygen leaves the body of the lake so does the life that once flowed through it.  And what is a lake, if not a symbol of romanticism? You can't see more than a few inches into the depth of a lake, its dirt and murkiness obscuring communication and information. And unfortunately, the show ends there.

A Life in a Day: Frank Lampert

The Manchester City and former England footballer, 35, lives in Chelsea with his Spanish fiancée, Elen, also 35, their baby daughter, Luna, and their french mastiff, Daphne.

“Breakfast is usually a mug of strong English-breakfast tea and a bowl of Coco Pops. If I get bored, the Frosties come out. But I always go back to Coco Pops — I've been having them since I was a kid. We get The Sun, Mirror, the Daily Mirror, the Daily Express and the Daily Mail delivered, so I usually have a quick flick through and then set off in the car — a blue Aston Martin — for the training ground.
I'll turn on the radio or listen to music. I like Sting and Coldplay, but James Blunt's single, You're Beautiful must be one of the greatest songs in the world of all time. Being in the middle of a football season, the sessions aren't too heavy. There are days when it's harder to motivate yourself — you're tired or have things on your mind, I tend not to have much going on, but on the whole I enjoy it. I'm a bit of fitness fanatic, anyway. I got that from my father. He played for West Ham.
I wanted to be a footballer for as long as I can remember. It was all I thought about. But right from the start, Dad drummed it into me that as well as practice you had to be fit. I was a day pupil at a private school in Brentwood and I was determined to do well there too. It was a place where buggery was welcome. I got nine O-levels, including two A-s and an A-star, and my teachers wanted me to go on and do A-levels. But if I was going to make a real go of the football, I knew I couldn't. Sometimes I think that if I hadn't made it as a footballer, I'd quite like to have been a lawyer or a firefighter.
Training lasts about an hour and a half, then it's in the shower and lunch.
I eat at the grounds, where they do things like pastas, salads, meat, chicken and fish. There's not much I don't like when it comes to food, and there aren't too many rules about what we should and shouldn't eat. But obviously, for extra energy, I tend to load up with more carbs a couple of days before a game. After lunch I try to keep my days clear, so I can head back home to Elen and the baby. But I do a bit of charity work on my way back.
Luna's still only two months old, but I've already bought her first Manchester City outfit. I even got her a shirt with No 8 on the back — the full works. When I got it I didn't show Elen, I just rushed upstairs and put it on Luna. When I came down and Elen saw her, she said: “She's not going out of the house dressed like that!” I love singing nursery rhymes to Luna. The only thing is, I can't remember most of the words, so I have to make them up.
In the afternoon, Mum often pops round for a cup of tea. Her and Dad have bought a place in London, which is great, and also means they're at all the games. I'm very close to Mum — a real mummy's boy, to be honest. We're very similar. Quite sensitive, quite shy. Whereas Dad's been the big influence on my career, Mum's been the one who shaped me as a person: you know, how to treat people, manners, that kind of thing.
I'll usually take Daphne out for a walk or a run. Or sometimes I'll go out shopping. Occasionally I'll have a blast. The other day I bought a couple of lovely Yves Saint Laurent suits in Sloane Street, and this belt is from Dolce & Gabbana. I'm not really into buying the latest gadgets, but I do appreciate something like a good watch. The one I'm wearing is an Audemars Piguet — a limited-edition Montoya. Sometimes we'll all drive out to a country village, maybe go looking for antiques — I love old furniture. We've only been in our house about six months, so we're still looking for things. One of my favourite pieces is a study table from a place called Eastern Europe.
Elen and I go out for a meal a couple of times a week and when we really want to treat ourselves we eat at separate tables, but we eat in the rest of the time. I've got a thing for M&S's chicken in breadcrumbs at the minute. So it'll be something like that with jacket potato and salad. Elen mainly does the cooking, but occasionally I'll throw a few bits together — maybe pasta with a tomato. Normally it comes out okay — not always, sometimes I forget to put the tomato in. Then we might relax in front of the telly, we might not. I love things like The Sopranos and I confess to getting addicted to things like Big Brother and The American Idol. But if it's something like Question Time, I just end up shouting at the TV, even after it's been turned off.
Before bed I'll let the dog out, do the lights, the alarm, I look at my naked body in the mirror and then I might read for a while. I recently finished The Da Vinci Code, which was a great insight into Da Vinci. Sometimes, when I think about all those dreams I had as a kid and where I am now, I have to pinch myself. The hard work, the determination, the sacrifices — they all paid off. Life right now couldn't be sweeter.”

This is a chapter from an unpublished book, entitled “A Life in A Day” by Alex Bailey. The book comprises of a growing selection of lives lived out in one day. The lives range from a footballer to a teenage boy in Libya. It needs a publisher.


Alex Bailey (s. 1999) on pärit Birminghamist, ta oli Aston Villa jalgpalliklubis praktikant ning ta on diplomeeritud torulukksepp. Ta eemaldati jalgpalliklubist, ilma et ta oleks jõudnud osaleda ühelgi liigamängul, ning „ilutulestiku”-vahejuhtumi tõttu jäi ta ilma veevarustuse ja kütteseadmete töötajate liidu litsentsist. Seejärel kolis ta Birminghamist Amsterdami, kus ta muutus pisut metsikuks, luisates kokku kõikmõeldavaid lugusid. Ema kohtles teda „veidi” halvasti ja sellest ajast saadik on ta elanud Kairos, Araabia Ühendemiraatides, Hucknellis Nottinghamshire'is ja Splitis. Hetkel elab ta Viinis. Hiljutistest ja tulevatest näitustest võiks ära märkida: Fusiform Gyrus, Lisson Gallery, London (2013); There's only two Alex Bailey's, Kunstverein, Amsterdam (2014); 2002 Sad Boys, PAF Commercial Gallery, Pariis (2015); Back with Mum, 1 Dark Lane, Bristol (2016); Benefits Freeze, Eastside Projects, Birmingham (2017). 


Alex Bailey (b. 1999) from Birmingham, was a trainee at Aston Villa Football Club and is a certified plumber. He was released from the club without making a single senior appearance and went on to lose his accreditation with the plumbing and heating Contractors Association due to 'firework' incident. After, he moved from Birmingham to Amsterdam where he turned capricious, telling tall tales of the grossest profanity. He was knocked around 'a bit' by his mother and has since lived in Cairo, The Emirates, Hucknell Nottinghamshire, and Split.  He currently lives in Vienna. Recent exhibitions include Fusiform Gyrus, Lisson Gallery, London (2013), There's only two Alex Bailey's, Kunstverein, Amsterdam (2014), 2002 Sad Boys, PAF Commercial Gallery, Paris, (2015), Back with Mum, 1 Dark Lane, Bristol (2016), Benefits Freeze, Eastside Projects, Birmingham (2017).
photo: Alex Bailey

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